By: Kanae
Length: Oneshot
Genre: Drama - Angst - Romance - General
Pairing: Mainly Karin / Sasuke - Contains also: NaruSaku, ShikaIno, SasuIno and Suika
Word Count: 7,143
Warnings: None really, except for language Some Here and There.
A / N's : My dear Sabrina won first place of the first official contest of the SasuKarin Ice & Spice AMV FC for the category, and the prize Was a fanfiction request. I'll mention her full request at the end, Since I Do not want to spoil the theme of this story. Alas, I just hope That I Was Able to make justiceto her awesome idea! I hope you'll like this, Sab! ♥
That Said, bring on the dramaaaa!
Summary: She Had tried. But it just did not work.
Nothing at all
-
She Almost Does not notice the time passing by, and When she does, she's surprised That It's Been a full year and she still hasn't gotten Used to remove this yet, Used to the Hundreds Of Different chakras surrounding her, Each One Different from the next, Each one a bit or a lot Stronger Weaker, and Every single one Exposé for her to unravel. It's not only to That she hasn't gotten Which Used To, Though, she still doesn'tqFor Karin, back then, there had been someone worth every sacrifice—and in that light, nothing really felt like a sacrifice, not when he made her happier than she’d ever be without him.
But that was then, and this is now, and many things have changed. Many, many things, to the point where Karin would say that almost everything has changed—
almost
, because there was one thing that remained the same, one person that just didn’t know how to change. And Karin was reminded of that fact every single day; sometimes in subtle ways, sometimes in bigger ones, but the result was all the same. It
stung
. She’d have thought that a year of living in Konoha would’ve been more than enough to leave burdens behind, get over past attachments, move on from painful memories. Hell, even Suigetsu and Juugo were doing a better job at it than she was—which wasn’t surprising in the slightest when it came to the swordsman, but with Juugo, with Juugo it was something else. It was still somewhat unsettling, for her, to see him playing with the children and the animals without a single fear of his Cursed Seal taking over; Sakura’s treatment had done wonders for him, that Karin knows. And she’s glad for him, really, she is. But it still feels… alien, to her, the life they were leading.
And it wasn’t like she didn’t have support, like she didn’t have people who had offered her their hand and kept pulling her forwards—hell,re, I think he'd Have To Have you liked us. I think Sasuke-kun would've liked for you to take His place and see us as your home "
But That Was Easier Said Than Done. After
What Happened During The fight with Danzou, Karin Had gone to Konoha, yes, and she Had Remained There For a while, while everyone Prepared Their deck of cards for the final call. But, she always Had Seen That Something as temporary as a Means to an end, so to speak. A Means to get to Sasuke, Sasuke to the real
, the Sasuke she Had Known All Along, and eleven she got to him, they'd go Their Own Ways, away from Konoha, for she Knew I Would not feel comfortable coming back there, and Karin Would go Wherever He Went.
Always, she'd, Too! So at least you'll Give It Some Thought, will not you? "She Had
, and that's why she Had Stayed. Walking Through the Streets But Sasuke That Used To Frequent When He Was a child isn't as comforting as she'd Have Thought it'd Be-even if she's aware That WAS the reconstructed village and as Such, Things Have Changed Between Then and now-it's still Almost as if she dog picture him, stopping at Some stores, wondering What he'd pack buy kunai, shuriken I Needed How Many, What Would Be more comfortable clothes and Would allow Easier Movement in a mission. Karin
dog picture him, so easily. So, so
Easily That Sometimes, When she isn't paying Attention, she'd catch a glimpse of blacks and whites and she'd turn around, almost straining the muscles of her neck, only to find nothing familiar in the walking crowd. Her heart would deflate with disappointment, and it hurt. Each and every time.
“That bastard knew what he was doing, so I’m sure he’s fine, wherever he is”
She’d like nothing more than to be able to find solace in that thought—find solace in the way that Naruto himself had done it, but she just can’t. Because, the fact was, that wherever
wasn’t here—it was nowhere, and that was all that mattered, because since the moment that Sasuke entered her life and changed her for the better, Karin had never imagined her life without him—she had never,
ever imagined that�That
- Her Thoughts Are
cut short as she Feels chakras Nearing her family two to tingle spreading of Something sour-through her body as if it Were a small bolt of electricity, One Can Truly Gone Before begin to feel pain and Stock .
"Hey, Karin-san!" Ino calls from ahead of her, her cheerful voice and Inviting grin always in place. By her side, Shikamaru raises a hand in His usual nonchalant way, But I at least Makes the Effort of Giving her a small smile-He Was Naruto's right hand in More Ways Than One-through and through, and from the moment That the blonde Asked Them to treat her well, Shikamaru Had Been doing his best. Karin
Though she isn't sure whether Should Be grateful for That, Back then, all Had she wanst you CAN do is make the effort "of Delivering them" Her companion observe, blandly, and Ino pouts with fake annoyance. Before the two of Them Can Get Into Their usual banter, Though, Karin smirks. "Is that so? And here I Was Thinking That Those flowers Were a present from lazy-boy here "
The effect of her words is Immediate as a slight blush of embarrassment covers Shikamaru's cheeks and I turns away, scratching His cheek and mumbling unintelligible stuff under His breath . The frown is erased from Ino's pretty face Faster Than the dog eye blink, and it Becomes a lively smile, full of mischief.
"Oh, please
" She says, and Karin WAS sure if That Were not her hands busy, she'd Have Waved one hand in disdain"As if Shikamaru Could Be Able of doing something like That. He does not have a romantic bone in His body! "Chuckles lowly Karin
as Shikamaru Ino Towards turns back, now in the frown face INSTEAD
historical
Though the blush Had dissipated already.
"Oi, I resent That" Before Ino dog Attempt to say anything else, Shikamaru has sighed and Took one of His Hands Out Of His pockets, Placing it in the small of her back to prod her to walk forward, it's a small gesture, one has seen Karin That Many Times Before and knows very well the Connotations of, But somehow, not can she keep the bolt of bitterness from running-through her body again, momentarily, "Come on, this is getting troublesome and We Still Have more Deliveries to make. Let��s go. Later, Karin”
Karin nods back, “Later” and Ino doesn’t bother to argue against the boy, letting him lead her instead as she gives Karin another huge and pretty smile, her eyes lighten up, almost as if the touch of the boy had charged her with the energy she had lost through a day of hard work.
“You should drop by the store sometime, Karin-san! We could go to eat afterwards!”
Karin cannot help but to smile, Ino’s cheerful and friendly nature could do wonders, even with the most reserved of people’s. “Alright, I’ll see what I can do. See you later, Ino”
She takes a few moments before beginning to walk herself, her eyes following the movements of Ino and Shikamaru until the two were shielded from her view by hordes of walking villagers. Now that they were gone, what before had been an almost unnoticeable bolt was back with more insistency, and far more strength. It begun at the pits of her gut and spread upwards, until she felt a pressure in her head due to the things she was trying to keep at bay.
But every dam would end up breaking under the pressure sooner than later, and hers —hers cracked more and more each day, thoughts she’d rather not have leaking through it like currents of freezing water. Memories she’d rather not carry with her. She remembers clearly the Ino she met, that day when she was brought to Konoha for the first time, hurt and drained, not only physically but emotionally as well—Sakura had insisted that she Rested at the hospital for a day or two, and she importations to Be a really stubborn person, so Karin Had Given up just at the end, it wasn't as if She Had Any Other place to go Either way, did she? The blonde
Had found her there, sitting on her bed and looking through the window, Trying in vain-for the umpteenth time, to pick up on the chakra signature of the boy who Had her body run-through with a spear-
chidori I just want to know how I have is, that's all
She Told herself, over and over, a weak Attempt at Concealing The Fact That She Was Being a naive fool and Hoping Against Hope that-
somehow
, if she managed to pick up His chakra Despit the distance, Longer It Would not feel as cold as it did When she left him to His Own Devicess.
She felt stupid, she felt childish—so the approaching chakra had been a welcome distraction— at first
.
“I… is it true that you’ve been traveling with Sasuke-kun?”
Karin’s curiosity had melted down and sunk inside of her, her red eyes darkening once again. Even if she weren’t able to pick up on a person’s feelings through their chakra, it was hard to miss the ones of the blonde—she wore them in her sleeve, they shone through her eyes, they echoed in the creaks of her voice.
“How is he?”
Ino began once she received an affirmative response, her expression almost tugging at Karin’s heartstrings. And really, she has had enough of people moving her unknown to her. But in this case, with this blonde—Karin was truly at a loss of what to do.
She could say the truth and break her heart. Or she could lie and give her false hopes.
Which one was crueler? Which one would hurt less?
So many people who care about you…
At the end, Karin didn’t have to reply. Sakura arrived in a stressed-out mess of pinks and greens, gave Ino a exasperated but knowing look—that didn’t showcase much of the sympathy, worry and understanding that Karin could pick up from her chakra—and then proceeded to change the subject altogether.
It was the first time in more years than she can count, that Karin had anything resembling a normal conversation with girls her age. And through it all, despite everything, she couldn’t chase away the thought that laid atop of the others, placidly resting there for her to pick up and echo, over and over again.
Ne, Sasuke… isn’t it unfair… for you to make them suffer this much?
Isn’t it unfair for yourself to be so lonely?
Almost a year and a half later, Karin has to close her eyes to push the memories away. She doesn’t—
doesn’t
want to keep remembering all that. She doesn’t want to because it makes her acknowledge that it was like time hadn’t advanced for her.
It was as if she were stuck, on the very same place where everything ended—and began , again, for so many people—
but
her.
The Ino who was so broken at the seams over her love for a boy was no more, she was nowhere to be found—instead what’s in her place is an Ino who is whole again thanks to her love for the guy who holds the small of her back and accompanies to make deliveries even though he doesn’t have to, who told her when enough was enough. The guy who held her back when her emotions wanted to take the best out of her, the guy who made her open her eyes and realize what was there in front of her—what she had always had, right in front of her nose, only for her to grasp. And she had grasped him, at the end. She held onto him and wasn’t planning on letting go.
Sakura and Naruto, too—they were unified Karin in a Way That Had Never Seen Before; Their chakras, it WAS like They danced around the Other One Another Whenever WAS in the room, The Other's skin prickling, engulfing Them in The Other. When Karin Karin met them-When Sakura saw for the first time, she saw someone her damnest Who Was Trying to hold herself together, to Do What Had to Be Done Better for the good. But She Was wrecked, all the same. Hurting inside, and her Conflict pour out of her in waves.
Disappeared But Then all that's the moment the blonde Enter the scene and swept her in His arms, and Karin Knew, Then, Without A Doubt single, That the blonde WAS Sakura's solace. The Only One Who Could take the pain away, the only one Who Could Truly make her feel like she Could crush mountains, as long as he stayed by her side. Karin understood the feeling—Karin knew how it felt to feel alive just by being in someone’s proximity. She knew, only too well, and that’s why her heart hurt as she heard Sasuke and Naruto’s conversation. She hurt because she knew that Sasuke would be hurting, too, if only he allowed himself to
feel
something but hatred—if he
only
— If only she could forget all that. If only she could lock it all behind, and move on. But she can’t. Karin can’t do it—and she has tried, oh hell , she has tried, but she just can’t.
It was like there was a line drawn, carved across her heart—a before and an
after, an after Sasuke, Sasuke's an
after
-
-But It Was Remembered the like no one before. It Was Like No One Was as haunted by it as she WAS, like no one Truly Understood That the Immense Significance Sasuke living and breathing and talking Had held.
And she knows That She's Being Unfair "Because she knows she has felt and witness and Been Moved by Naruto's love for Sasuke, pero she just Can not help it. She Can not help but to feel That all this is wrong wrong wrong When she hears Naruto's and Sakura's wedding plans, and hears how Ino's date with Shikamaru went, and Sees Kiba and Hinata on the street, and-
and where is Sasuke in all of this? Wh
Would
Sasuke've Been ere in all of this?
Is It That no one can see the empty spot I have left? Because dog
Karin, she can see it and feel it and it's the size of the sun
. Like a black hole Everything That sucked around if anything it got too close, it left her feeling and her world so empty
. So
hollow. But everything-everyone around her Kept moving. Moving On with Their Lives, walking forward, Further and Further, while she, while Karin
-
She Remained still. Everything around her as if Were the scenario from a movie, and all she HAD to do WAS
stand still right there, and the Changing scenario Would keep the scree-throughn while she Remain the Same. Exactly the Same. Like Had not a single day passed. She Could Almost
feel the weight of her soaked hair and the exhaustion numbing her body, the sharp edges of her broken heart cutting her chest from the inside out. And she
've Been Trying to hold it back, she've Been Trying But for the longest time it WAS always
There, crawling across her skin like an itch That Did not go away, an itch That You Had
to
But Knew That scratch if you did it'd only spread, so you try and ignore it-and she HAD INSTEAD Ignoring tried it. Had she tried.
But it just did not work. So she eat to a stop on the side of the road, and scratches it. And ever so
ay on the skin of her Eyelids When She Closes her eyes ...
-
She felt it, she felt the change. She felt the Moment When the dark, cold and uncanny chakra recede and Gave way to the chakra she has always known. She felt it, as if she Were fighting it herself, the way in Which Sasuke's essence Drove Through the darkness and Towards the Light, The Light That the blonde boy WAS holding Before him, the blonde boy who Had Fought Against him in order to Regain His brother back, never giving up, Not Until the very end. And if There Was a very end, Karin Guess That This Was it. It's with held breath That They watch as the two boys finally let go of Each Other, Each Collapsing on Opposite ends, forming a straight line as they fell down with their arms extended, almost as if they were laying on the ocean and floating away.
No, no, no,
don’t
get away—!
Even now, Karin doesn’t have words that can properly express the sinking feeling that took over her whole being as she watched Sasuke’s body hitting the ground. She cannot explain it—wouldn’t know how to say that when she heard it—when she heard the sick sound of boneless weight crashing against the earth, it echoed of nothingness to her—as if what had fallen was an empty shell, lifeless, as if he were truly fading away and he’d disappear completely if anyone made the slightest movement.
She tries to keep as still as "Sasuke!"
Karin as she calls Arrives by His side, falling on her knees Immediately and Reaching out to touch him, to Attempt to get him to open His eyes. "Sasuke!" She calls again, and this time His eyes do open. There's a startled gasp That is born and dies in her throat as she Sees Them.
Hazy, rotten, unseeing.
"Ka ... rin"
He whispers, and His voice is raspy, Uneven, Karin Does not Doubt That One Of His lungs is Damaged, Perhaps Even a vocal chord or two. Does she know if she'd Be Able to heal That, But she knows That She Needs to try-She Needs to try right Then, or- or
-
"Karin ..." He mutters again, a bit strong this time, historical and abandon blind eyes Above the gray sky in order to turn Towards her, as if I Could see her. Karin That Does not think I can-she Doubts Even He Can see a bare outline of her, with eyes as well as historical Were Damaged, But She Wants to hope
. She Wants to hope That I can see her, so she schools her Into features to determine, Focused expression in order to keep up the illusion.
She'd hate herself if she allowed him to see her weak When I Need Her the most.
"Shh, Do not talk, Sasuke!" She demands, pulling down the zipper of her shirt Without A single Regard for The Fact That She Was Completely Exposing her upper body to Those Present, And That Had somehow gotten the weather events colder in the momentts she had taken to reach Sasuke—it was freezing now, almost as if her skin would begin to fall in strings if the breeze were to touch it directly. But that hardly mattered to her, nothing mattered at all—nothing but the broken boy laying beneath her and trying in vain to remain focused on her as his life slipped away through the gaping hole in his chest.
“You need to save your strength!” She continues, forcefully, before lowering herself towards him until his lips were almost brushing the sensitive skin of her neck. “Here, bite me! Come on, quickly!”
What comes next isn’t the painful pressure of teeth breaking through her skin, but rather, a slight, almost unnoticeable current of hot air caressing her neck as Sasuke spoke. CExpanding slowly from dread of the place Had Touched Sasuke's fingers, down to her chest and her fingertips.
"S-Sasuke ...!
What ...
? "
The faint smile is still present in Sasuke's lips, and His unseeing eyes Are still set on her, Giving her the delusion That She Had Underestimated the resistance of an Uchiha's eyes And That He Was Actually seeing her and Finding horrified sick pleasure in her puzzlement.
"You're ... a perplexing girl, Karin ..." He Speaks, stopping to swallow and stop His voice from shaking, and Karin just Can not do anything else but to look at him as I Speaks-she just CAN
Not
look away-"You're ... so strong, so independent, and yet ..." She knows wh
at he was about to say. She knows, and she doesn’t want to hear it. But she just cannot get a hold of her vocal chords or her hands or anything
to stop him, to stop him from finishing his sentence.
To stop him from what he wanted to do—
“Yet, you’re here… offering to save… the guy who almost killed you… without any qualms”
“Shut up, that’s
“I’m sorry… for that”
A droplet of water falls on Sasuke’s left cheek, laying there for a moment before rolling down, blurring the trail of blood tainting his skin. That first droplet is followed by another, and then another, and soon there’s a downpour falling around them, and Karin hates it more than she has ever hated anything in her life.
Karin hates it because she doesn’t need the sky’s pity, she doesn’t need any rain to hide her tears, she doesn’t want any rain to set up the atmosphere—she doesn’t want to see him fading away.
And she hates it, she hates it and she hates this .
She hates herself, because-
"And I'm ... sorry ...
for this
" Because She Could not do anything to stop him from throwing away historical life.
She knows it, Even as she looks at him Through her blurry vision, she can see it, she can see the decision I've made, and she knows That There's nothing she CAN do to change His mind. Now That She Knows What She Had Seen-Heard What She Had His body when to hit the floor Was Nothing But this. Nothing but the truth.
Sasuke Had Been dead all along. "You're ... you're Such a selfish bastard!" She spits, closing her eyes forcefully and Trying to swallow down the pieces of her broken heart, whin, the droplets of water falling Into His Eyes Keeping His senses awake, "Threw yourself away, to follow ... the ghosts of your past ..."
"That's Because ..." Karin's own eyes open, the tremors assaulting her body dissipating as she Prepared to finally Admit herself out loud the one thing she Had Kept from him all along-"I had you, Sasuke. It Had not Been for you, I'd Have Died ... So Many times over. Out of loneliness, out of starvation, out of guilt. But you ... you
meat and I ... I found life worth living again. I'm Where I am today Because of you, Sasuke. I'm who I am Because I had you " She raises her head Then, and the sight she Finds Makes the breath get caught in her throat. Sasuke's eyes are set on hers once again, and his lips are curved in the barest traces of a smile, his skin white again, the rain having washed away the stain of his blood.
Beautiful… even in death, he was the most beautiful thing I had even seer. The most beautiful thing I’ve
ever
seen…
“Heh, so I did… something good, after all. See? You’re… stronger, Karin… because you… didn’t hesitate to hold onto me, while I…” Karin’s eyebrows begin to tremble, her eyes begin to shake, “even now… I can’t hold onto you”
It’s then that Karin loses all the strength she had left. It’s there, when she sees the way that Sasuke’s lips quiver and regret washes over his voice, a feeling of longOverwhelming ing the essence of historical chakra, Karin That Gives up on Trying to keep up the Walls That protected her. Then That's It That She Could not perform Karin hold back her tears, And That She Did not Have
to-she Did not Have to keep her promise anymore, her whole world Because WAS breaking underneath her and This Was Just Too fucking much.
Too fucking painful.
"Just bite me, Sasuke! Damn it, just do it
-! Just do it and-
"
" Karin ... "She
ignore the clear warning in His voice, the clear edge That let her know That She Was wasting her breath, But She Could not help it, she couldn ' The Urgency Possessing t help her body and soearlobe instead of her neck.
“Karin… let me go already”
She shakes her head, stubbornly, desperately.
“No! I’m not letting you go, Sasuke, not after you’re finally back! Not after everything!”
He smiles, a bitter turn of his lips, painful and ephemeral.
“Even if I wanted to… I wouldn’t be able to hold onto anything, Karin… so just, let me go… you’re just hurting yourself”
His chakra reaches an all time low, fluctuates and then comes back, like a spark, and Karin doesn’t waste any time trying to refute his words, instead raising her face and looking down at him with the utmost of honesty shining through her tearful eyes.
“Sasuke,
I
-! "
But she's cut short by him, as His fingers historical use last ounce of strength to inflict pressure on the skin of her forearm.
"Karin, if ... if we
..." But Karin never
Finds Out What He Meant to say, as His lips curve upwards and His eyes close and historical chakra Completely Disappears Without a Trace. She Can Only
stare down at him, His face blending with the face of the twelve year old boy for Whom she fell, as he, finally, smile at her in the Same Way Again. Genuine historical curve of lips, teeth white pearl Showing from underneath, relaxed muscles, and historical
eyes -
-His Eyes Were now closed, and That Was That signaled the only difference That Had the boy she fallen in love with Had just left her, broken and alone.
"S-sasuke ..." She calls out, softly, Knowing full well That She Would not get a reply.
"Sasuke ..." She calls
one last time, And Then screams. Screams and It Feels like she's ripping her throat due to the pain, like her lungs Are giving up and like Everything She has inside is pouring out from her-through her voice and her tears, her tears That Are scalding hot and feel as If They Would tear away her skin.
A few meters ahead of them to be, Closes His Eyes Naruto as tears leak down His cheeks, and Sakura weeps quietly, holding onto the Each Other's hand for dear life, in an Attempt to keep together as Team 7 Themselves broke forever. This time
Beyond Repair.
-
Perhaps Karin wonders if That Was What made the difference. She wonders if the reason why Naruto and Sakura Had pulled back together WAS Themselves Because They Had never remove fallen apart-because The Other Was There to hold onto the pieces and mold Them Into Something new, Something Worthwhile. While she
, all she HAD to hold on to Was the corpse of her heart, the corpse of her dreams, of her Goals, Wishes of her
-
'Karin, if ... if we ...' If we
what, Sasuke? She
questions to the nothingness surrounding her, her eyes lost on the street ahead of her.
. Move on, once and for all. If Sasuke missed his change due to being an egocentric asshole, that was his own problem—Karin didn’t need to stay hung up on him, as if she owed him some kind of loyalty, as if not a day had passed from the moment she held his corpse in her arms and cried like Suigetsu had never seen her cry before.
The swordsman quickly suppresses the memory. He hated to remember that, hated to see her so heartbroken and weak, not Karin who was always as strong as steel—he guesses that was, perhaps, what brought him—
them
, to where they were now. Seeing Karin like that back then had unsettled him so much that he just had, subconsciously, decided that he’d never allow her to break in that way again. Ever.
CHad HTMLXC And one thing let to One Another, They were here and now, under the shadow of the ceiling of a store in the middle of a village he'd Never Thought That Be Suigetsu residing in.
"You know damn well That it is
my business, Karin." He replies, finally, more Than tired annoyed, "How can it be my business Not When You refuse to accept That we
-"
" Shut up already! "She All but growls, turning her back on him and walking ahead. "You Said I Was Because you came late, Did not You? So let's go already! "Suigetsu
Can not help but sigh. Well, at least She Did not blow my damn head off.
"Yeah, yeah, coming!" He calls, And Then, under His breath,
But that was then, and this is now, and many things have changed. Many, many things, to the point where Karin would say that almost everything has changed—
almost
, because there was one thing that remained the same, one person that just didn’t know how to change. And Karin was reminded of that fact every single day; sometimes in subtle ways, sometimes in bigger ones, but the result was all the same. It
stung
. She’d have thought that a year of living in Konoha would’ve been more than enough to leave burdens behind, get over past attachments, move on from painful memories. Hell, even Suigetsu and Juugo were doing a better job at it than she was—which wasn’t surprising in the slightest when it came to the swordsman, but with Juugo, with Juugo it was something else. It was still somewhat unsettling, for her, to see him playing with the children and the animals without a single fear of his Cursed Seal taking over; Sakura’s treatment had done wonders for him, that Karin knows. And she’s glad for him, really, she is. But it still feels… alien, to her, the life they were leading.
And it wasn’t like she didn’t have support, like she didn’t have people who had offered her their hand and kept pulling her forwards—hell,re, I think he'd Have To Have you liked us. I think Sasuke-kun would've liked for you to take His place and see us as your home "
But That Was Easier Said Than Done. After
What Happened During The fight with Danzou, Karin Had gone to Konoha, yes, and she Had Remained There For a while, while everyone Prepared Their deck of cards for the final call. But, she always Had Seen That Something as temporary as a Means to an end, so to speak. A Means to get to Sasuke, Sasuke to the real
, the Sasuke she Had Known All Along, and eleven she got to him, they'd go Their Own Ways, away from Konoha, for she Knew I Would not feel comfortable coming back there, and Karin Would go Wherever He Went.
Always, she'd, Too! So at least you'll Give It Some Thought, will not you? "She Had
, and that's why she Had Stayed. Walking Through the Streets But Sasuke That Used To Frequent When He Was a child isn't as comforting as she'd Have Thought it'd Be-even if she's aware That WAS the reconstructed village and as Such, Things Have Changed Between Then and now-it's still Almost as if she dog picture him, stopping at Some stores, wondering What he'd pack buy kunai, shuriken I Needed How Many, What Would Be more comfortable clothes and Would allow Easier Movement in a mission. Karin
dog picture him, so easily. So, so
Easily That Sometimes, When she isn't paying Attention, she'd catch a glimpse of blacks and whites and she'd turn around, almost straining the muscles of her neck, only to find nothing familiar in the walking crowd. Her heart would deflate with disappointment, and it hurt. Each and every time.
“That bastard knew what he was doing, so I’m sure he’s fine, wherever he is”
She’d like nothing more than to be able to find solace in that thought—find solace in the way that Naruto himself had done it, but she just can’t. Because, the fact was, that wherever
wasn’t here—it was nowhere, and that was all that mattered, because since the moment that Sasuke entered her life and changed her for the better, Karin had never imagined her life without him—she had never,
ever imagined that�That
- Her Thoughts Are
cut short as she Feels chakras Nearing her family two to tingle spreading of Something sour-through her body as if it Were a small bolt of electricity, One Can Truly Gone Before begin to feel pain and Stock .
"Hey, Karin-san!" Ino calls from ahead of her, her cheerful voice and Inviting grin always in place. By her side, Shikamaru raises a hand in His usual nonchalant way, But I at least Makes the Effort of Giving her a small smile-He Was Naruto's right hand in More Ways Than One-through and through, and from the moment That the blonde Asked Them to treat her well, Shikamaru Had Been doing his best. Karin
Though she isn't sure whether Should Be grateful for That, Back then, all Had she wanst you CAN do is make the effort "of Delivering them" Her companion observe, blandly, and Ino pouts with fake annoyance. Before the two of Them Can Get Into Their usual banter, Though, Karin smirks. "Is that so? And here I Was Thinking That Those flowers Were a present from lazy-boy here "
The effect of her words is Immediate as a slight blush of embarrassment covers Shikamaru's cheeks and I turns away, scratching His cheek and mumbling unintelligible stuff under His breath . The frown is erased from Ino's pretty face Faster Than the dog eye blink, and it Becomes a lively smile, full of mischief.
"Oh, please
" She says, and Karin WAS sure if That Were not her hands busy, she'd Have Waved one hand in disdain"As if Shikamaru Could Be Able of doing something like That. He does not have a romantic bone in His body! "Chuckles lowly Karin
as Shikamaru Ino Towards turns back, now in the frown face INSTEAD
historical
Though the blush Had dissipated already.
"Oi, I resent That" Before Ino dog Attempt to say anything else, Shikamaru has sighed and Took one of His Hands Out Of His pockets, Placing it in the small of her back to prod her to walk forward, it's a small gesture, one has seen Karin That Many Times Before and knows very well the Connotations of, But somehow, not can she keep the bolt of bitterness from running-through her body again, momentarily, "Come on, this is getting troublesome and We Still Have more Deliveries to make. Let��s go. Later, Karin”
Karin nods back, “Later” and Ino doesn’t bother to argue against the boy, letting him lead her instead as she gives Karin another huge and pretty smile, her eyes lighten up, almost as if the touch of the boy had charged her with the energy she had lost through a day of hard work.
“You should drop by the store sometime, Karin-san! We could go to eat afterwards!”
Karin cannot help but to smile, Ino’s cheerful and friendly nature could do wonders, even with the most reserved of people’s. “Alright, I’ll see what I can do. See you later, Ino”
She takes a few moments before beginning to walk herself, her eyes following the movements of Ino and Shikamaru until the two were shielded from her view by hordes of walking villagers. Now that they were gone, what before had been an almost unnoticeable bolt was back with more insistency, and far more strength. It begun at the pits of her gut and spread upwards, until she felt a pressure in her head due to the things she was trying to keep at bay.
But every dam would end up breaking under the pressure sooner than later, and hers —hers cracked more and more each day, thoughts she’d rather not have leaking through it like currents of freezing water. Memories she’d rather not carry with her. She remembers clearly the Ino she met, that day when she was brought to Konoha for the first time, hurt and drained, not only physically but emotionally as well—Sakura had insisted that she Rested at the hospital for a day or two, and she importations to Be a really stubborn person, so Karin Had Given up just at the end, it wasn't as if She Had Any Other place to go Either way, did she? The blonde
Had found her there, sitting on her bed and looking through the window, Trying in vain-for the umpteenth time, to pick up on the chakra signature of the boy who Had her body run-through with a spear-
chidori I just want to know how I have is, that's all
She Told herself, over and over, a weak Attempt at Concealing The Fact That She Was Being a naive fool and Hoping Against Hope that-
somehow
, if she managed to pick up His chakra Despit the distance, Longer It Would not feel as cold as it did When she left him to His Own Devicess.
She felt stupid, she felt childish—so the approaching chakra had been a welcome distraction— at first
.
“I… is it true that you’ve been traveling with Sasuke-kun?”
Karin’s curiosity had melted down and sunk inside of her, her red eyes darkening once again. Even if she weren’t able to pick up on a person’s feelings through their chakra, it was hard to miss the ones of the blonde—she wore them in her sleeve, they shone through her eyes, they echoed in the creaks of her voice.
“How is he?”
Ino began once she received an affirmative response, her expression almost tugging at Karin’s heartstrings. And really, she has had enough of people moving her unknown to her. But in this case, with this blonde—Karin was truly at a loss of what to do.
She could say the truth and break her heart. Or she could lie and give her false hopes.
Which one was crueler? Which one would hurt less?
So many people who care about you…
At the end, Karin didn’t have to reply. Sakura arrived in a stressed-out mess of pinks and greens, gave Ino a exasperated but knowing look—that didn’t showcase much of the sympathy, worry and understanding that Karin could pick up from her chakra—and then proceeded to change the subject altogether.
It was the first time in more years than she can count, that Karin had anything resembling a normal conversation with girls her age. And through it all, despite everything, she couldn’t chase away the thought that laid atop of the others, placidly resting there for her to pick up and echo, over and over again.
Ne, Sasuke… isn’t it unfair… for you to make them suffer this much?
Isn’t it unfair for yourself to be so lonely?
Almost a year and a half later, Karin has to close her eyes to push the memories away. She doesn’t—
doesn’t
want to keep remembering all that. She doesn’t want to because it makes her acknowledge that it was like time hadn’t advanced for her.
It was as if she were stuck, on the very same place where everything ended—and began , again, for so many people—
but
her.
The Ino who was so broken at the seams over her love for a boy was no more, she was nowhere to be found—instead what’s in her place is an Ino who is whole again thanks to her love for the guy who holds the small of her back and accompanies to make deliveries even though he doesn’t have to, who told her when enough was enough. The guy who held her back when her emotions wanted to take the best out of her, the guy who made her open her eyes and realize what was there in front of her—what she had always had, right in front of her nose, only for her to grasp. And she had grasped him, at the end. She held onto him and wasn’t planning on letting go.
Sakura and Naruto, too—they were unified Karin in a Way That Had Never Seen Before; Their chakras, it WAS like They danced around the Other One Another Whenever WAS in the room, The Other's skin prickling, engulfing Them in The Other. When Karin Karin met them-When Sakura saw for the first time, she saw someone her damnest Who Was Trying to hold herself together, to Do What Had to Be Done Better for the good. But She Was wrecked, all the same. Hurting inside, and her Conflict pour out of her in waves.
Disappeared But Then all that's the moment the blonde Enter the scene and swept her in His arms, and Karin Knew, Then, Without A Doubt single, That the blonde WAS Sakura's solace. The Only One Who Could take the pain away, the only one Who Could Truly make her feel like she Could crush mountains, as long as he stayed by her side. Karin understood the feeling—Karin knew how it felt to feel alive just by being in someone’s proximity. She knew, only too well, and that’s why her heart hurt as she heard Sasuke and Naruto’s conversation. She hurt because she knew that Sasuke would be hurting, too, if only he allowed himself to
feel
something but hatred—if he
only
— If only she could forget all that. If only she could lock it all behind, and move on. But she can’t. Karin can’t do it—and she has tried, oh hell , she has tried, but she just can’t.
It was like there was a line drawn, carved across her heart—a before and an
after, an after Sasuke, Sasuke's an
after
-
-But It Was Remembered the like no one before. It Was Like No One Was as haunted by it as she WAS, like no one Truly Understood That the Immense Significance Sasuke living and breathing and talking Had held.
And she knows That She's Being Unfair "Because she knows she has felt and witness and Been Moved by Naruto's love for Sasuke, pero she just Can not help it. She Can not help but to feel That all this is wrong wrong wrong When she hears Naruto's and Sakura's wedding plans, and hears how Ino's date with Shikamaru went, and Sees Kiba and Hinata on the street, and-
and where is Sasuke in all of this? Wh
Would
Sasuke've Been ere in all of this?
Is It That no one can see the empty spot I have left? Because dog
Karin, she can see it and feel it and it's the size of the sun
. Like a black hole Everything That sucked around if anything it got too close, it left her feeling and her world so empty
. So
hollow. But everything-everyone around her Kept moving. Moving On with Their Lives, walking forward, Further and Further, while she, while Karin
-
She Remained still. Everything around her as if Were the scenario from a movie, and all she HAD to do WAS
stand still right there, and the Changing scenario Would keep the scree-throughn while she Remain the Same. Exactly the Same. Like Had not a single day passed. She Could Almost
feel the weight of her soaked hair and the exhaustion numbing her body, the sharp edges of her broken heart cutting her chest from the inside out. And she
've Been Trying to hold it back, she've Been Trying But for the longest time it WAS always
There, crawling across her skin like an itch That Did not go away, an itch That You Had
to
But Knew That scratch if you did it'd only spread, so you try and ignore it-and she HAD INSTEAD Ignoring tried it. Had she tried.
But it just did not work. So she eat to a stop on the side of the road, and scratches it. And ever so
ay on the skin of her Eyelids When She Closes her eyes ...
-
She felt it, she felt the change. She felt the Moment When the dark, cold and uncanny chakra recede and Gave way to the chakra she has always known. She felt it, as if she Were fighting it herself, the way in Which Sasuke's essence Drove Through the darkness and Towards the Light, The Light That the blonde boy WAS holding Before him, the blonde boy who Had Fought Against him in order to Regain His brother back, never giving up, Not Until the very end. And if There Was a very end, Karin Guess That This Was it. It's with held breath That They watch as the two boys finally let go of Each Other, Each Collapsing on Opposite ends, forming a straight line as they fell down with their arms extended, almost as if they were laying on the ocean and floating away.
No, no, no,
don’t
get away—!
Even now, Karin doesn’t have words that can properly express the sinking feeling that took over her whole being as she watched Sasuke’s body hitting the ground. She cannot explain it—wouldn’t know how to say that when she heard it—when she heard the sick sound of boneless weight crashing against the earth, it echoed of nothingness to her—as if what had fallen was an empty shell, lifeless, as if he were truly fading away and he’d disappear completely if anyone made the slightest movement.
She tries to keep as still as "Sasuke!"
Karin as she calls Arrives by His side, falling on her knees Immediately and Reaching out to touch him, to Attempt to get him to open His eyes. "Sasuke!" She calls again, and this time His eyes do open. There's a startled gasp That is born and dies in her throat as she Sees Them.
Hazy, rotten, unseeing.
"Ka ... rin"
He whispers, and His voice is raspy, Uneven, Karin Does not Doubt That One Of His lungs is Damaged, Perhaps Even a vocal chord or two. Does she know if she'd Be Able to heal That, But she knows That She Needs to try-She Needs to try right Then, or- or
-
"Karin ..." He mutters again, a bit strong this time, historical and abandon blind eyes Above the gray sky in order to turn Towards her, as if I Could see her. Karin That Does not think I can-she Doubts Even He Can see a bare outline of her, with eyes as well as historical Were Damaged, But She Wants to hope
. She Wants to hope That I can see her, so she schools her Into features to determine, Focused expression in order to keep up the illusion.
She'd hate herself if she allowed him to see her weak When I Need Her the most.
"Shh, Do not talk, Sasuke!" She demands, pulling down the zipper of her shirt Without A single Regard for The Fact That She Was Completely Exposing her upper body to Those Present, And That Had somehow gotten the weather events colder in the momentts she had taken to reach Sasuke—it was freezing now, almost as if her skin would begin to fall in strings if the breeze were to touch it directly. But that hardly mattered to her, nothing mattered at all—nothing but the broken boy laying beneath her and trying in vain to remain focused on her as his life slipped away through the gaping hole in his chest.
“You need to save your strength!” She continues, forcefully, before lowering herself towards him until his lips were almost brushing the sensitive skin of her neck. “Here, bite me! Come on, quickly!”
What comes next isn’t the painful pressure of teeth breaking through her skin, but rather, a slight, almost unnoticeable current of hot air caressing her neck as Sasuke spoke. CExpanding slowly from dread of the place Had Touched Sasuke's fingers, down to her chest and her fingertips.
"S-Sasuke ...!
What ...
? "
The faint smile is still present in Sasuke's lips, and His unseeing eyes Are still set on her, Giving her the delusion That She Had Underestimated the resistance of an Uchiha's eyes And That He Was Actually seeing her and Finding horrified sick pleasure in her puzzlement.
"You're ... a perplexing girl, Karin ..." He Speaks, stopping to swallow and stop His voice from shaking, and Karin just Can not do anything else but to look at him as I Speaks-she just CAN
Not
look away-"You're ... so strong, so independent, and yet ..." She knows wh
at he was about to say. She knows, and she doesn’t want to hear it. But she just cannot get a hold of her vocal chords or her hands or anything
to stop him, to stop him from finishing his sentence.
To stop him from what he wanted to do—
“Yet, you’re here… offering to save… the guy who almost killed you… without any qualms”
“Shut up, that’s
not
how it was!” Karin denies, almost without realizing that she was talking. “You were out of yourself back then, you know as well as I do that you’d have never hurt me!”
“… But I did” Sasuke states, simply, and his eyes close for such a long moment that Karin begins to fear the worst, until he opens then again, ever so slowly, but this time he gives up on setting them on her and looks upwards to the sky instead. how it was!” Karin denies, almost without realizing that she was talking. “You were out of yourself back then, you know as well as I do that you’d have never hurt me!”
“I’m sorry… for that”
A droplet of water falls on Sasuke’s left cheek, laying there for a moment before rolling down, blurring the trail of blood tainting his skin. That first droplet is followed by another, and then another, and soon there’s a downpour falling around them, and Karin hates it more than she has ever hated anything in her life.
Karin hates it because she doesn’t need the sky’s pity, she doesn’t need any rain to hide her tears, she doesn’t want any rain to set up the atmosphere—she doesn’t want to see him fading away.
And she hates it, she hates it and she hates this .
She hates herself, because-
"And I'm ... sorry ...
for this
" Because She Could not do anything to stop him from throwing away historical life.
She knows it, Even as she looks at him Through her blurry vision, she can see it, she can see the decision I've made, and she knows That There's nothing she CAN do to change His mind. Now That She Knows What She Had Seen-Heard What She Had His body when to hit the floor Was Nothing But this. Nothing but the truth.
Sasuke Had Been dead all along. "You're ... you're Such a selfish bastard!" She spits, closing her eyes forcefully and Trying to swallow down the pieces of her broken heart, whin, the droplets of water falling Into His Eyes Keeping His senses awake, "Threw yourself away, to follow ... the ghosts of your past ..."
"That's Because ..." Karin's own eyes open, the tremors assaulting her body dissipating as she Prepared to finally Admit herself out loud the one thing she Had Kept from him all along-"I had you, Sasuke. It Had not Been for you, I'd Have Died ... So Many times over. Out of loneliness, out of starvation, out of guilt. But you ... you
meat and I ... I found life worth living again. I'm Where I am today Because of you, Sasuke. I'm who I am Because I had you " She raises her head Then, and the sight she Finds Makes the breath get caught in her throat. Sasuke's eyes are set on hers once again, and his lips are curved in the barest traces of a smile, his skin white again, the rain having washed away the stain of his blood.
Beautiful… even in death, he was the most beautiful thing I had even seer. The most beautiful thing I’ve
ever
seen…
“Heh, so I did… something good, after all. See? You’re… stronger, Karin… because you… didn’t hesitate to hold onto me, while I…” Karin’s eyebrows begin to tremble, her eyes begin to shake, “even now… I can’t hold onto you”
It’s then that Karin loses all the strength she had left. It’s there, when she sees the way that Sasuke’s lips quiver and regret washes over his voice, a feeling of longOverwhelming ing the essence of historical chakra, Karin That Gives up on Trying to keep up the Walls That protected her. Then That's It That She Could not perform Karin hold back her tears, And That She Did not Have
to-she Did not Have to keep her promise anymore, her whole world Because WAS breaking underneath her and This Was Just Too fucking much.
Too fucking painful.
"Just bite me, Sasuke! Damn it, just do it
-! Just do it and-
"
" Karin ... "She
ignore the clear warning in His voice, the clear edge That let her know That She Was wasting her breath, But She Could not help it, she couldn ' The Urgency Possessing t help her body and soearlobe instead of her neck.
“Karin… let me go already”
She shakes her head, stubbornly, desperately.
“No! I’m not letting you go, Sasuke, not after you’re finally back! Not after everything!”
He smiles, a bitter turn of his lips, painful and ephemeral.
“Even if I wanted to… I wouldn’t be able to hold onto anything, Karin… so just, let me go… you’re just hurting yourself”
His chakra reaches an all time low, fluctuates and then comes back, like a spark, and Karin doesn’t waste any time trying to refute his words, instead raising her face and looking down at him with the utmost of honesty shining through her tearful eyes.
“Sasuke,
I
-! "
But she's cut short by him, as His fingers historical use last ounce of strength to inflict pressure on the skin of her forearm.
"Karin, if ... if we
..." But Karin never
Finds Out What He Meant to say, as His lips curve upwards and His eyes close and historical chakra Completely Disappears Without a Trace. She Can Only
stare down at him, His face blending with the face of the twelve year old boy for Whom she fell, as he, finally, smile at her in the Same Way Again. Genuine historical curve of lips, teeth white pearl Showing from underneath, relaxed muscles, and historical
eyes -
-His Eyes Were now closed, and That Was That signaled the only difference That Had the boy she fallen in love with Had just left her, broken and alone.
"S-sasuke ..." She calls out, softly, Knowing full well That She Would not get a reply.
"Sasuke ..." She calls
one last time, And Then screams. Screams and It Feels like she's ripping her throat due to the pain, like her lungs Are giving up and like Everything She has inside is pouring out from her-through her voice and her tears, her tears That Are scalding hot and feel as If They Would tear away her skin.
A few meters ahead of them to be, Closes His Eyes Naruto as tears leak down His cheeks, and Sakura weeps quietly, holding onto the Each Other's hand for dear life, in an Attempt to keep together as Team 7 Themselves broke forever. This time
Beyond Repair.
-
Perhaps Karin wonders if That Was What made the difference. She wonders if the reason why Naruto and Sakura Had pulled back together WAS Themselves Because They Had never remove fallen apart-because The Other Was There to hold onto the pieces and mold Them Into Something new, Something Worthwhile. While she
, all she HAD to hold on to Was the corpse of her heart, the corpse of her dreams, of her Goals, Wishes of her
-
'Karin, if ... if we ...' If we
what, Sasuke? She
questions to the nothingness surrounding her, her eyes lost on the street ahead of her.
. Move on, once and for all. If Sasuke missed his change due to being an egocentric asshole, that was his own problem—Karin didn’t need to stay hung up on him, as if she owed him some kind of loyalty, as if not a day had passed from the moment she held his corpse in her arms and cried like Suigetsu had never seen her cry before.
The swordsman quickly suppresses the memory. He hated to remember that, hated to see her so heartbroken and weak, not Karin who was always as strong as steel—he guesses that was, perhaps, what brought him—
them
, to where they were now. Seeing Karin like that back then had unsettled him so much that he just had, subconsciously, decided that he’d never allow her to break in that way again. Ever.
CHad HTMLXC And one thing let to One Another, They were here and now, under the shadow of the ceiling of a store in the middle of a village he'd Never Thought That Be Suigetsu residing in.
"You know damn well That it is
my business, Karin." He replies, finally, more Than tired annoyed, "How can it be my business Not When You refuse to accept That we
-"
" Shut up already! "She All but growls, turning her back on him and walking ahead. "You Said I Was Because you came late, Did not You? So let's go already! "Suigetsu
Can not help but sigh. Well, at least She Did not blow my damn head off.
"Yeah, yeah, coming!" He calls, And Then, under His breath,
0 comments:
Post a Comment